BACK TO THE FUTURE 2 AND 3

  • 1989, Beam Software
  • Review by Toilet Duck




    You gotta hand it to Beam Software. Instead of releasing 2 separate shitty games, they decided to shove both shitty games into one cartridge. On top of that, they had 2 chances to make a good game. So if you screwed up on the first part (back to the future 2) you could of at least salvaged it by making a halfway decent second part (back to the future 3). OR vice versa. The least they could of done was try to UNBALANCE the crap rather then both parts being equally crappy.

    Marty being chased by hamburgers...WOW.     		If you didn't already know, Back to the future 2 and 3 is the sequel to the "critically acclaimed" Back to the Future game. The game pretty much follows the storyline of the movie. Old Biff from 2015 steals Doc's time machine and takes a sports almanac back in time to the 1950's to give to his younger self. That way, young Biff makes a fortune by betting on sporting events since he already knows the outcome of everything through 2015. But the game is rather different. Old Biff decides to scatter objects like rollerskates and baseballs from 1955, 1985, and 2015. Time periods where they don't belong. So it's up to good ol' Marty to return the objects back to the right time periods. Cause we all know leaving a pair of underwear in a hidden cave in 1965 could cause a nuclear war in 2015.
    The object of the game is basically looking for keys hours at a time while being chased by hamburgers. In fact, I think that's the whole reason this game was made. They wanted an excuse to see Marty get chased by Hamburgers. That's it.

    Really. That's it. Why you ask? Well, just imagine the conversation they had when greenlighting this....



    Designer: Hey geekmen..
    Geekmen: Yes nerdworth?..
    Nerdworth: I think we should add stampeding hamburgers in the game. Cause we will be able to say hilarious things like "You wanna hamburger here, or to go?" HAHAHAHA cause the hamburger is running! HAHAHAHA get it? HAHAHAHAHA??
    Geekmen: HAHAHAHAHAH *snort* *snort* that's a good one!
    Nerdworth:...I got another one: "Talk about "FAST FOOD" HAHAHAHAHA cause the food is running fast!! HAHAHAHA get it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Food running!
    Geekmen: HAHAHAHA your going to make my retainer fall out! Your a genius, let's add that in!

    *sigh*

    The Enemies

    It looks they either went scouring into a 3rd grade art class dumpster and copied the WORST pictures, or they hired some poor Cuban 10 year old boy to draw over 15 ugly looking enemies while being whipped in the back. There is no chance that I can recap them all, but I'll just cap the most annoying of them.

    Ladies and Gentlemen, the most annoying enemy on the Nintendo EVER.
    You can't get any worst then this. Everytime it appears on the screen, it makes a BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP and it doesn't fucking stop until you either kill it, kill Marty, or kill yourself. Even then the echoes of the sound will pollute your head.
    Nerdworth: Hey geekmen, while I was waiting for Hbo's "never going to get laid" porn hour, the Emergency broadcast system came on a gave me a great idea! What about a bird that constantly makes a annoying beeeeep sound?
    An unknown man in a flat top and dominatrix-like outfit whose hell bent on chasing after Marty, throwing pellets at Marty, and running him over with a hoverboard (just shows ya that the designers paid close attention to the movie, remember the part when they were using the hoverboard in 1985?) He appears threw out the entire game.

    The Mini Games


    What does running around in a cave collecting burgers and beer have to do with his life?     		The game is filled with retarded mini games and bonus stages. Plus, they all have names THAT HAVE ABSOLUTLY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STAGE. Why in thee hell is a bonus stage named "this is your life" when it involves Marty running around in a cave? It's like naming Metal Gear Solid Applesauce.
    If there's a blue moon out and you actually find a key, you move on to the mini games. In these rooms you pretty much have to solve ridiculous puzzles while dodging killer School hats, Teddy Bears, blood thirsty Ping pong balls and mail stampers. If you simply GRAZE any object, marty will die. Did I mention he looks like a baby when he dies?


    Wa Wa Wa! What a wuss!     		Go Marty Go!


    Wow Marty to you got a giant...potato...quarter...thing
    That milkshake brings back some baaaad memories

    If you beat one of the mini games, we get a empowering screen of Marty holding up whatever object he won, weather it be a rollerskate, baseball,but SHHHHHHHH! were not supposed to know what the object is! See all the dots in the screenshot!? Then it's YOUR job to find out which time period it belongs in, then find the ONE room it belongs in (don't worry, there's only about 24 rooms hidden about over all 3 time periods. Each time period having about a 3 miles worth of mapping) Once you have found a room that you think your object belongs in, it's time to play WORD SCRAMBLE. Back to the future+Word Scramble=FUN! Logical thinking would say just randomly select objects until it accepts one. Well, if you try that the object will explode.

    To be honest, the mini games are addicting...in a bad way. The games are sooooo bad that you actually want to conquer the badness the designers thwarted apon you. "You thwarted these virtually impossible stages on me, thinking I was going to give up easily. You thought I would never play the game again because of those stages. You thought I would only use the game as a paperweight because of those stages. Well, you guessed wrong jackasses cause I did it AFTER I beat those stages." A common thought among gamers playing BTTF2&3.

    Part 3

    The screenshot to the right pretty much sums up this part of the game. It's the adsactly same thing as before but this time the terrain is replaced with western terrain and marty's outfit is replaced with a cowboy outfit cause that's what they wear in the west, cowboy outfits and stuff. Oh yes, are good hamburger buddies have been replaced with running sombrero, bandits, snakes, clouds that drop skunks, and most importantly.... chased by poop pebbles and hats!
    Watch out for the casually jogging bear!








    Even though it's Gamecrap's policy that every single agonizing game has to be beatin' to the end, I just wasn't up to it. The game takes an estimated 7 hours of being chased by hamburgers and pebbles to see the typical Beam Software "1 frame or less" ending. Instead, I made my own ending that's probably 100x better then anything Beam Software would crap out.
    Back to the future 2 and 3 is tediously long, boring game, which is another tediously bad movie game, which is another tedious crappy title from LJN.


    Back to the Future 3
    Great Scott! Another Back to the Future game!?

    Ghostbusters
    Who you gonna call? The TRASH COMPACTER!

    Back to the Future
    Nothing like the first one. Literally...
    .