Gamecrap: Ghostbusters!

Suffered through by Toilet Duck.

"When there's something strange, in your NES drive, who you gonna call? THE TRASH COMPACTER!!"

whoa it's flashing! Feels like I'm in the arcade!

Ghostbusters! The videogame is based on cult movie about a couple of guys starting there own Ghost-busting company. However, the game designers decided "to hell with that" and didn't focus the game mainly on busting ghost, but rather walking up stairs and getting gas. In fact, The whole game is pretty much getting gas. Without gas you can't buy equipment to suck up ghost. Without gas you can't earn money to buy equipment. Without gas you can't buy more gas.

Upon pressing the start button,

you get a sorry "ghostbusters" sound byte. Why did they add that? Did they think it was going to be the main selling point of the game? "Hey mom did you hear that, it said Ghostbusters!! It actually said the words!! See, I told you it was worth the 60 dollars!" It only makes the game worst then it already is. Plus, it probably took up half the memory.

The first thing you'll notice that the city is full of pollution. For almost every building, there's a factory spewing out gas right next to it. Geez, someone think of the children. Secondly, you'll notice the catchy ghostbusters theme. Your going to end up despising it after playing this game, cause The theme plays continuously through out the entire game. Your also probably pondering those words on some the buildings, which are: The Gas Station(GS) The GB headquarters(GB), The final stage, which is the Zuul building, and the Ghost supermarket (shop). You pretty much move the GB logo up and down the streets until a building flashes. That means someone's calling for the Ghostbusters. Whoo.

After selecting a building, you have to drive to it. Even though we clearly remember the GB logo being right in front of the building. While driving, you have to avoid cars that Zig-Zag across the road. If a collision occurs, they'll automatically take money out of your bank account. What type of city is this? No insurance? No Lawyers? No assessment of the damage? I'm just driving along minding my own business and this lunatic decided's to bump around the road like some ping-pong ball. Why can't I take money out of his account?

During these little road trips, you'll frequently run out of gas. Don't worry though, the city was kind enough to leave 100lb tanks of gas in the middle of the street for you. So instead of going to the gas station, you can slam into the canister and hope some of the gas splashes into your tank.

SPECIAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

......

If your low on gas and you see a gas barrel in the middle of the road, don't ram into it like the Ghostbusters did.

You start off by moving the Ghostbusters around while they hold the trap that looks a lot like a trampoline. It looks more they want the ghost to jump on it. It would of been more exciting then this....

After dropping the trap, the ghostbusters whip out there blasters and start BUSTIN SOME GHOST!!....which is walking back and forth waiting for the ghost to touch the beams. I didn't think bustin' ghost could be just as fun as scrubbing toilets at Burger King. You can also make the trap spit something out to catch the ghost, but you need to have the ghost caught in your beams.

Just look at the detailed graphics. The definitions in the buildings are incredible, this must have taken one...maybe two minutes work. This is a new low even for the ol' Nintendo.

For some reason, the Ghostbusters don't have equipment to bust ghost. So they have to shop at the ghost supermarket. There, they can stock up on items like "Ghostfood" and "Ghost Vacuums". Of course, this is not for free, they have to earn the money by catching ghost. You would think the city would of at least gave them a shopping spree or a gift certificate. Really, there only trying to save the world from destruction. Cheap bastards...

After about 20 minutes of addicting gas filling, you'll finally be able to enter the Zuul building. It's the moment of truth. All that hard training consisting of filling up the car with gas, bumping into cars, and getting even more gas will be tested. The brave ghostbusters get out of the car, pull out their wedgies from the tight jumpsuits, and start heading for the building....

Go get em' fellas!
These guys sure look intimidating.

If for some reason you decided that moving the Ghostbuster's logo up and down the street is more engaging then actually entering the Zuul building, the Marshmallow man will come out. He will crush a couple of buildings, then make the screen flash violently with colors. They want to make sure you know the game is over by giving you a seizure.

The picture to the right should not have been viewed by kids under the age of 12.

The Dull Building!

Hands down, One of the worst stages in the history of gaming. The stage consists of walking up ALL 21 floors in the Zuul building while dodging swarms of ghost. Your probably thinking "It can't be that bad, Just avoid the ghost and walk up the stairs by using the D-Pad". HAHAHAHAHAHAH, that would make sense silly. Instead, you have to constantly press the A button to make the three guys take baby steps. Nope, Not running, not walking, not regular steps, BABY steps. "Lets take our marry ol' fucking time, the world is only at stake." Now your probably thinking "Shoot the ghost with the ghost killing guns cause that's what there for, killing ghost" AHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!.....Your killin' me! That would make sense too! For some reason, you can't use the blasters.

My GREAT grandson will have to finish up the review, cause it's gonna take a long time to get these guys up the stairs.

I actually thought this might have been some Japanese world domination scheme gone wrong....

A hazy secret room somewhere in Japan ...

Designer 1: Lets have the game flash various bright colors during certain points in the game. You saw what happened to those kids when they watched that Pokemon cartoon.

Lead Designer: Nah.

Designer 2: How bout when the player beats the game, the game releases a chemical gas from the cartridge, giving them the plague. The cure will be a special antidote that we only have. The world will be at our knees!

Lead Designer: Hmm, that might work...

Designer 3: I've got it! Let's put in a level where the Ghostbusters have to walk ridiculously slow up 21 flights of stairs. Legions of ghost will attack them, and the only way to fight back is to drop ghost tv dinners at various points. If they actually get to the top, they won't be able to enter without a plasma gun, so they'll have to start the game all-over again! This will make people's piss sooo hot, it will give them a disease called "hot-piss disease", we will be the only people in the world who do not have hot piss disease, and we can easily take over the world!

Lead Designer: Brilliant!! The world will be all mines!!!..uh...I mean ours......AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*The designers pollute the room with there sinister laughs*

By the time they get up there Gary Coleman would have finally gotten laid...which is never.

You guys are doing a great job there....

The final level pits the ghostbusters against Gozer: who is a 15 foot topless woman in a thong. The objective is simple: Shoot her until she dies while dodging the ghost and peppermint swirls. Oddly, one of the ghostbusters is not present. Looks like one died on the 4 year journey up the stairs. You also have to keep and eye out for Marshmallow man who is climbing up the building.

Why didn't they equip a couple F-15's with special ghost missiles(which are probably conveniently available at the ghost store), or why not send Special Ops? Why send 3 wedgie wielding, hip-hugging, stand-so-close-together-they're-practically-swapping-spit screwballs? It takes em 9 years to walk up some stairs! Plus they drive a busted up hurst that runs out of gas all the time. Hell, they could of hired me! At least I can walk up a flight of stairs in one century.

....

As you can see, the designers spared no expense to make the ending. Instead of making a lousy, plain, icky ending with a picture or a sound, we get a colorful, bright, creative black screen with words on it. I still don't understand how guiding three men in tight green spandex up 20 flights of stairs to attack a woman in a thong proved justice to our culture. Yes, we will give our heroes a good rest(as if they were real), buy burying this game in the anal's of my closet. But here's the nugget that stuck out the most....

This is actually pretty sad. The designers thought they were making a good game. Either way,

Ghostbusters is one of the worst movie games of all time.

Bebe's Kids: The bad moviegame curse continues!

Back To the Future: More childhood memories soiled.