Bebe's Kids

  • Radical Entertainment(Haha!)
  • 1993?
  • Review by Toilet Duck

    • Level 5 and 6


    UH OH! Bebe's kids on a pirate ship? Sounds like swash-buckling shit fest for the whole family!

    In this adventure, the kids gotta watch out for one eyed parots and avoid the evil pirates that walk around with their pants down.

    Pirates walking around with their pants down? What type of park is this!?
    Pauly want a sucker punch in face?


    Not only do you have to fight the perverted pirates with their pants around their ankles, you also have to fight ugly hermies who throw giant swords at you. Great place for kids! This is just one of those stages that makes you say "the people who made this game must of been on some heroin" Nothing else to say here, just punching your way threw hordes of these guys until you finally reach a giant crack in the deck.



    At the end of this level you have to fight one of the dumbest looking bosses ever. He's pretty much a 7 foot pirate with a cannon arm. It's not even funny, it's just sad.

    I hate this game



    I can only imagine the conversation they had when they greenlighted this...


    *cut to small room with a bunch of white people, most in their late 30's.*


    Lead Designer: Hey Yo artist, did you finish bangin out that fresh new boss for the pirate ship level?


    Artist: Yeah! His name is Captain Blood Skull Needle Eye Brain Crusher and he has big cannon arm that shoots out cannon balls and stuff. I worked real hard on it all day at school. My 3rd grade teacher thought it was cool when I showed it to her and I got big sticker for it so I thought it might be cool if we made him the boss. Please! Pretty please! Pretty please with sugar on top?


    Designer:Yo man that boss is Blinking!


    Lead Designer: No homie, it's blinging not blinking.


    Designer:Oh my mistake..whoops...I mean "my bad" bro. That thing is Blingin'!


    Designer 2: Not just blingin, BLING BLINGING!

    *HI-FIVE EACH OTHER*



    Level 8




    The baby still looks like it's on cocaine.

    The kids decided that the best place to hide is in a dark spooky basement cause that's where they will be safe: In a dark spooky basement. Apparently the kids have some disorder that makes them think that the words "stay out","Danger","Do Not Enter" and "If-you-come in-here-you'll-be-severely-beaten-or-possibly-killed" mean "SAFE!". I have no idea what the hell this stage is. You have all these ugly sprites attacking, odd noises, and...

    A person shouting out, and I kid you not when I say this,Gotta gold Cock!?


    Go Ahead, listen for yourself!(notice the ghoulish voice at the end shouting "gotta gold cock!?")



    Pretty much jumping in cracks on the floor and fighting a slew of stupid looking enemies(and are friend psycho mouse also makes an appearance). The dumbest thing about this stage is not the stage itself, it's the enemies the populate it. You gotta hand itto the drawing man(will not use the word artist anymore), he almost outcraps the boss from the pirate stage with his latestdebacle of sprites. Lets take a look.....

    I'm assuming this is supposed to be Nixon. This was probably some type of inside joke by the devils that created this thing. Just more Horrible Game Humor!



    This thing peeks from the walls. If 2 cousin robots had a baby, that's what it would probably look like. It also throws what looks like it's own circuits laced with poop.




    Ahh, Mr. Gotta Gold cock!? I strongly believe this is the guy that shouts out "Gotta Gold Cock!?" throughout the whole stage. Just look at him, He looks like a giant turd with blue boobs.

    HEY LOOK!...


    ...It's GRIMACE!?

    Could that be a disguised Grimace who was a former(and maybe still is) pedophile who yelled "Gotta gold cock?" and jolted his pelvis at kids?? Does Ronald know about this?




    Level 9





    That's pretty much level 9! A pointless stage with a giant bear that has it's "private circuit zone" exposed and what I assume is a naked robot in a robe. What type of park is this!!? Notice how the whole park has virtually no customers. It actually makes sense though. Who would want to go to a park with rabid dogs running amuck, strange men in suits picking up children,pirates that walk around with their pants down and fat green guys shouting "Gotta gold cock!".


    The Boss

    You wonder how they could top this whole game in the "what the fuck!?" department, so they went by the "bad videogames 101" book: Top it off with a next to impossible boss.

    Wow, a big 9 foot cyborg with Girly Man Claws
    I'll give them credit here. I was expecting the boss to look much, much crappier. I thought it was going to be a giant Lemon or maybe even the mysterious "Beavis". Instead, they give us a futuristic cyborg with nails.After it greets you, it's time for you punishment(Haven't we been punished enough for playing this game!). You would probably expect this thing to have a cloaking capabilities, see threw walls, a state of the art shield, and shoot missiles out of it's ass. Instead it has even more advanced capabilities never seen in a robot. Like....



    trying to scratch you...


    Doing a curtsy to release a tiny laser beam...


    sliding around like the ground is ice...


    I don't even know even know what the fuck it's doing here nor do I wanna know!


    A common position for young Kahiki as he battles the micheal jackson robot.

    The robot is virtually impossible to beat. I say that a lot about tons of games, but I'm DEAD serious about this.Trying hitting it and he will knock little Kabobo down 98% of the time. Once in a blue moon you might actually get a little punch in there but you'll get repaid with another fierce scratch-down. The hit detection is even worse. You might be half way up the screen and it somehow, someway hits you with a scratch, even though it's all the way at the other end! After about 70 hits, the head pops off and starts spewing fireballs at you. Oh yeah, you also get a little pebble to chuck at the thing, but it does absolutely nothing.

    However, the worst thing about this stage is not anything I mentioned above! Nope. Not the girly man robot,the horrible hit detection, not anything. The worst thing about this stage is the music.One of the worst songs EVER in gaming(and quite possibly in music in general) is that at the end boss level. The crappyness of this "song" is so bad, it has to be heard to believed. Words can't describe how bad it is.

    Listen to "thats the law, wake up!"

    MY EARS! MY EARS! What the hell!?I would rather play bebe's kids from beginning to end with an ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNK SONG going on an continuos loop then listen to that thing above this!Whoever made that song should never be allowed within 5 miles of an instrument.


    After all the hell of playing through this entire thing, you get a detailed 2 frame ending. Enjoy!....


    The female reveals that she has been practicing good hygene as green ooze drips from her armpits.

    PEEWEE DO! DO! DO!!!!


    Who's Responsible for this crap?

    Looking at the credits at the end of this game, I wouldn't be surprised if the design team consists of former Radio Shack and LaserZone employees. There is just no way anyone of the people on the design team could have a job after releasing this this this thing. Toward to the end of the scroll, I saw something that almost made me go on a shooting spree.....



    OK...calm down....no need for screaming.....Oh what the hellnot even a severely mentally retarded CHIMPANZEE would greenlight this THING!. How could he play this mess and say "Everything is looking good guys!" How can ANYONE look at this thing! Literally! Or maybe someone dared him. There's always the chance that "Bebe's Kids" is the result of a dare gone horribly bad. Maybe a disgruntled Kevin Wilkinson decided to expose the messed up "system" that allows any piece of bile to be released to the masses. I mean Bebe's kids got a seal of quality!It just shows you that Nintendo doesn't even look at the games when they slap on the seal, or Radical Entertainment has compromising pictures of Nintendo executives with farm animals.

    Either way, Bebe's kids is one of the worst movie games, if not DA worst movie-to-game ever. This game shouldn't even be played in maximum-security prison when an inmate tried to escape. Every single aspect of this game is horrible, and it just gets worst and worst and worst by each stage. I cringe just looking at this page...